I would just like to confess that i once was an ignorant person who judged everything around me that I felt wasn't (christian like).I was born in a small town smack dab in the middle a of coal mining community that included nothing but coal miner's families and two churches.The churches were on the opposite end of each other.One was Free will Baptist,the other was Church of god.Either church could agree on their beliefs.My family attended the free will Baptist.my uncle who was married to my mothers sister was the Pastor.I remember growing up that I always like going to the Church of God because they did alot with the kids and they believed in having a dinner to celebrate everything,and I mean everything.I also remember overhearing so many of the members of The Church of God talking about the members of the free Will baptist members and vice versa how one or the other was going to a place called Hell because the other didn't believe exactly the they felt and believed about the religion og Christianity.I addmitt,I was a nosey child and being how I always felt different from my peers,I hung out with the grown ups alot wich meant i heard alot.Believe me,they didn't hold back on how they felt.As I grew older,around seven or eight yrs old,I started to realise just how different from my peers i really was.I never new exactly what being a homosexual was until I heard them being preached on behind the pulpit and being that young I was very impressionable.From the time as far back as I can remember growing up in my parents home we were tought and brain washed that there was an evil being named Satin(the devil)and a place called Hell.That place is were all people would go who did anything bad.That kind og teaching to a child i feel was very ignorant on my parents behalf.Not only did I grow up trying to be a christian mostly out of fear,but I lived in constant fear because like I said,when i was 7or8yrs old I new I had a strong attraction to men.Therefore,I spentthirty some years of my life in fear of just existing because no matter how much I prayed and dowsed myself with oil..I was still gay.However,being as terrified as I was,I tried my damnedest to convince myself that as long as I stayed in the church of the Free Wills that maybe God would have mercy on me.So I did all I could possibly do and even then some to be as good as I could be and follow everything I was brainwashed into believing about the christian faith.At the age of 23 i married a girl.At the age of 27 we had a child together.At the age of 30,my world as I new it collapsed around me.I went into such a severe depression tha I tried to end my own life.I became satin himself but the only person I wanted to hurt was me.fortunately I survived but not without consequences.Alot of them..When I got somewhat better I returned to the same routine,only this time my mind, body and soul had already been severely damaged and i wasn't strong enough mentally to fight my homosexuality like I once had.Anyhow,during that short period of time I started becoming more and more observant and more wise.Thankfully..It wasn't until I discovered that the one person in our church who when I was a chiled,molested me,that after 30 yrs was still molesting children.I never told anyone of my ordeal until I discovered that he was still harming children that I came out and confessed it to the whole world(wich was souly the church world).Through ignorance i was taught that if a person confessed to be a christian that they were forgiven of all their sins and that it was a sin for us humans not to forgive so growing up I never delt with what he had done to me because he was a member of the church.However,once I found out what he was still doing,I snapped.I exposed him to the whole church and not only that,I had alot more peaople come forth to me privately to tell me that he molested them when they were growing up.Unfortunatly none of them came forward when he was confronted.I realise now that some of the mistakes I thought I made weren't really mistakes at all.for instance marrying a wonderful woman even though I was gay and also having a child by her.I realised that if it weren't for the love I felt for my child that I never would have cared so much about the child molester and how he was litterally damaging inocent children.Also I found out exactly how being raised up with ignorance was more damaging than a raging flood or a burning fire or even Satin himself.i found out the hard way that embaracing the church by exposing a child molester was as bad as being homosexual and once again I just about destroyed my life with my own hands.Meraculously,I survived again only this time I became alot more wiser and honest with myself and had enough strenght to come clean with who I was as a person in general and except the fact that if the God i was taught to believ in was gonna send such a wonderful and loving person as I new I was to a place called hell just for being gay,then he wasn't a god worth serving to begin with and if the god they served thought a child molester was more worthy ,I realised finnally how ignorant I had been and how much precious life I wasted trying to conform to their beliefs.Finnaly I confessed to my now ex-wife that I was gay.Fortunatly,she had more love in her heart for me that the any of the so called christian hypochrytes that I felt I had to be just like t be apart of this world.She forgave me almost instantly,however I stil struggled within myself.Once again I became suicidal.Then one day when I was at my lowest point,my beautiful little girl who was only8 yrs old at the time spoke up and said Daddy,why are you so unhappy all the time? You never want to play with me anymore because your always sick.Well,after that bold statement I got the nerve to tell her it was because i worried so much how everyone else was gonna respond when they find out that I was gay and that I feared for her as well because so many people are so ignorant and cruel that they wouldn't care if they hurt you or not by callin your daddy names and making you feel really bad.with a surprised look on her face she looked at me and said ( daddy,haven't you ever heard the word ignore?)I was astonished at her the words that flew out of the mouth of my little babe.Instantly a warm feeling covered me and I gave her the biggest hug ever,It took the intellegence of a child to teach me one of the most important lessons of my whole entire life.Soon after,I was just as happy as a gay man could be and one day at the bus stop that I took her to every morning to catch the school bus,she turned to me and said ( daddy,I sure do like you alot better now that your gay because you are happy now and thats all I wanted you to be.Now we can start having fun again.I was 36 at that time.I'm now 39 and believe me when I say this that I had to deal with a hell of alot more ignorance in those few short years but the one thing I learned the most is that ignorance can make your life a living hellish nightmare and I learned to just ignore like my daughter taught me,all the ignorance that surounds us everyday in this world we live in and that ignorance can be a very powerful thing if you allow it to be and only if you allow it.Now and again as I look back I stop and wonder,should I thank the ignorant people that was in my life for so many years? after all if it weren't for them.I wouldn't be were i am today.Through their ignorance I allowed themto destroy the person I used to be.I let them judge me.condem me,persecute me,and finally hang me on a cross to die and it was my own ignorance of allowing them to have so much power over me that I learned to be strong and love who I am and what I've become wich is a newly born soul who has learned so many of lifes lessons and now free to be me.I chose this path I'm on mainly for the freedom to be myself.I'm happy calling myself a solitary witch and educating myself to the ways and realising the ignorance that surounds us all who just want exaclty that,Freedom!I'm still learning each and every day on my journey as a wich and am excited to always learn until my journey in this life is compete.Educate,educate,educate,then educate some more yourself and try to never judge others by the way they look,dress,walk ,talk or belive in.Because to me thats ignorance and it can come back to bite you right in the ...........!
I want to quote as saying that every word that i have written was only to educate and if it sounded like I was judging christians,I wasn't.I have been blessed with a few of wonderful christian friends,one of wich is my best friend.I get angry alot of the time at those who profess to be one thing then turn around and act like the total opposite.I'm sure we all know those kind of people.My words or word i should say of wisdom is simply this.Ignore! thats magic in itself because if you can master that then you've mastered a whole lot in my book.Blessed be to you all..